Is your child mature enough for his age…
Often when you hear parents talking about maturity, you hear them refer to their children as being either immature or mature.
Actually, maturity is not an either/or quality. It is something that children acquire over time as they learn skills and develop the capacity to deal with the complexities of life. At any given moment, children are in various phases of growth and maturity with regard to the following areas.
- Can they write legibly enough to read their own writing?
- How adept is their eye-hand coordination?
- Do they have the physical skill to dress themselves?
- Are they large for their age?
- Did they begin to walk at an early age?
- Do they pick up the ability to ride a bike easily and early?
- Are their muscles developed well enough to be able to control their bowel movements?
- How patiently can they wait for a toy that they asked for?
- How well can they handle the frustration of not being able to build a lego tower?
- Are they able to control their anger and express it in constructive ways?
- How well do they handle disappointment or losing in a game?
- How willing are they to share an item with a friend or sibling?
- How well are they able to play in large groups?
- How cooperative are they when playing games?
- How do they get along with peers?
- How well are they able to read the instructions for a construction toy they just received?
- How well do they do in school?
- Are they mature enough to understand abstract concepts such as God, death or mathematical ideas?
- Do they understand cause and effect and time concepts?
- How well can they relate what they are learning in school to everyday life situations?
- Are they willing to admit when they have been unkind to someone?
- How well do they understand the concept of helping others, or acknowledging their mistakes? How well do they understand the concept of honesty and not cheating?
- How well are they able to empathize with others?
Making Sense of Maturity
Children mature at their own pace in each area of development.
Children may be mature in one area and immature in another.
For example, children may understand the importance of giving to others in need (moral maturity) but still not be willing to share with their friends a toy they just purchased (social and emotional maturity).
If children mature in one area, adults may expect them to be mature in other areas.
For example, if a toddler is large for his age and physically very coordinated, people might expect him to be advanced verbally and in his interactions with other children.
Similarly, a child who able to read early (intellectual maturity) may also be expected to handle frustration and disappointment (emotional maturity) with greater maturity than one would otherwise expect of child of his age.
These unrealistic expectations can lead to frustrations on the part of the adults and lowered self-esteem and frustration for the children.
Consider each area of growth.
When considering whether your children are mature or not, think about to what extent or degree each of your children has developed in each area.
True maturity occurs when children have the ability and the motivation to complete the task on their own.
Things go smoothest when your children are both capable of and willing to complete a task.
Difficulties arise if ability and desire do not match.
Children may have only the ability, but not have the desire, or conversely, children may have the desire, but not yet developed the ability.
Why is knowing this important?
One of the most important things that parents can do for their children is to determine realistic expectations for them.
If parents expect too much, they can become disappointed and frustrated, children’s self-esteem will be eroded, conflict may increase, and children may stop trying.
If parents expect too little, less than what their children are capable of, children will not be challenged and will not meet their full potential.
Being aware of your children’s maturity levels in each area of development can help you to find the balance between expecting too much and expecting too little from your children.